


Don't Wanna Live Forever

by KirryLovesNarry



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Don't Wanna Live Forever, Fifty Shades of Grey, Light Angst, M/M, Zayn left
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-03
Updated: 2017-01-05
Packaged: 2018-09-14 13:01:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,883
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9182911
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KirryLovesNarry/pseuds/KirryLovesNarry
Summary: Zayn and Taylor have collaborated on a song together. How do their exes (Niall and Harry) react to that fact? -- short story posted on my Tumblr: KirryLovesNarry





	1. Niall hears it

“Ooooh, oh oh oh oh,” a dark introduction comes on the radio and Niall is immediately interested, turning up the volume on his car stereo. He starts bobbing his head back and forth getting into the song before the verse even starts.

_Been sittin’ eyes wide open behind these four walls, hopin’ you’ll call_  
It’s just a cruel existence like it’s no point hopin’ at all  
Baby, baby, I feel crazy  
Up all night, all night and every day  
Give me somethin’, oh, but you say nothin’  
What is happenin’ to me?  


He knows that voice. He’d know that voice anywhere but it _can’t_ be. Niall frowned, knowing Zayn hadn’t completed a second album but that was definitely his ex-boyfriend’s falsetto. Niall realized he was going under the speed limit and put his foot back on the gas before he heard _her._ Taylor. Harry’s ex-girlfriend. _Seriously_? His ex-boyfriend and Harry’s ex-girlfriend weren’t successful enough on their own, they had to pair up to rub it in their faces? Niall could feel the anger bubbling up inside of him, but again, looked at his speedometer, this time realizing he was speeding and relaxed his foot. The song ended and Niall immediately wanted to call Harry. Did he know? Would he have warned Niall if he knew? Instead of calling Harry, Niall called their friend Louis.

“’lo?” Louis answers, seemingly distracted. To the side he chastises his son, “Freddie, no! Dirty! Don’t put that in your mouth!” Coming back to the phone he greets Niall, “hey, Ni, sorry, hey, what’s up?”  


Niall didn’t beat around the bush. He wanted his answers and who knew how long Louis would stay on the phone before Freddie needed him with two hands. “Did you know that Zayn and Taylor did a song together?” There was a pause on the other end as Louis seemed to be thinking of an answer. Which means he _did_ know. “Louis Tomlinson. Why wouldn’t you _tell me?”_ Niall hissed.

Louis took a deep breath and explained himself, “Niall. He’s your ex-boyfriend. You can’t keep worrying about him and what he’s doing with his life. If I go out of my way to tell you that he’s doing a song with someone, that’s just making him a part of your life.” Louis paused and then added, “but he’s not. You have your own life. You don’t need to think about what he’s doing.”

Niall moved on to whining, “but it’s with Taaaaaylor. Why _her?”_

“You want my honest answer or do you want me to make it about you and Harry?” Louis asked back with a little bite, annoyed at the whine. His son didn’t whine as much as his band mates did.  


Niall wasn’t sure what answer he wanted. He was over Zayn. Really. But it couldn’t be a coincidence that he did a song with his ex-boyfriend’s girlfriend. The boyfriend that he had right after him. Niall shook his head and answered flatly, “the truth.”

“I think Taylor and Zayn saw the money signs. Taylor is huge right now. Zayn did pretty well for someone who did almost no promotion. Bringing them together is almost a no-brainer. Honestly, it was probably Taylor’s idea. You know how business-minded she is. I mean, if she happened to hurt Harry in the process, she wouldn’t cry about it but I doubt that was her reasoning.”  


Niall nodded along with Louis. It made sense. Yes, it did. They both wanted to be successful and make the kind of music _they_  wanted without anyone pushing them to do a certain type of sound. So if they found that unique sound together, well, it just _made sense_. OK. Niall could live with that. What about Harry? “Do you know if Harry knows?” he asked cautiously.

Louis made a sound like he was sucking on his teeth. “Not that I’m aware of. You’d have to ask Liam about that one. We aren’t too chatty on the phone these days.”

Again, Niall nodded. “Yeah, course, course, k. Thanks, Lou.” He’d pulled into his driveway in the middle of their conversation and he just sat there for a minute after they hung up, stuck in his head. A nagging thought that they’d collaborated just to get back at Harry and Niall. They did it because they were hurt we’d moved on. That we’d moved on together. Not that it mattered since we weren’t actually together anymore. But did they know that?

Niall got out of his car, slamming the door behind him and locking it with his key fob. Chewing on his lip, Niall went to the couch in his living room and googled ‘zayn malik taylor swift song’ so he could read any news about it. Not much had been published about it yet but he saw both Taylor and Zayn tweeted the release and that it was for the new 50 Shades of Grey movie.. _of course it was_. I mean, what could be more fitting really? 

Again, Niall shook his head, trying to rid himself of all the negative thoughts. He was _over_  Zayn. He didn’t want him back. Really. It was just.. he’d left Niall. He’d left them all really but more than anything, he’d left Niall. Niall didn’t understand why he wasn’t enough to keep Zayn in One Direction and he _truly_  didn’t understand why Zayn didn’t even tell him he was leaving. He told Harry. That’s it. He told Harry he needed to go and let Harry tell everyone else in the group. At least Harry had been kind to him. He hadn’t told Niall in front of the other guys. He’d pulled him into his hotel room and directly into his lap. He’d wrapped his arms around Niall’s waist and nuzzled his neck before he said the words that completely changed all of their lives, especially Niall’s. “He’s gone baby,” Harry had said softly. “Zayn doesn’t want to be a part of One Direction anymore.” Niall was so confused but he can still hear Harry’s soft, deep voice trying to keep him grounded. “It’s going to be OK Niall. I promise you that it will be OK. You can be upset about this but just know in the end, Liam, Louis and I, we’re all here. _I_  will _always_  be here for you.” Niall felt the tears falling down his face as he realized his boyfriend was gone without a word.


	2. Harry's first reaction

Harry was told about the song long before it was released. Well, long as in a week or so before the public heard it. He had friends who were still close to Taylor and they slipped it casually into conversation as though Harry was still friends with his ex-girlfriend and ex-band mate. He made sure not to react. He didn’t need it getting back to Taylor and Zayn, or anyone else, that he was upset by this collaboration. He nodded his head at his friend and said something along the lines of ‘good for them’ with a casual, closed lip smile. 

Harry debated for that week on whether or not he should tell Niall. He didn’t want Niall to be blindsided but it seemed kind of wrong to tell his ex-boyfriend that their exes had decided to do a song together. Their very public, famous, popular exes. Sure, Harry might have had an extra drink with dinner that night but he was over Taylor. That wasn’t even an issue. It was harder for him when she wrote songs about him and their relationship, blasted it to the world, and didn’t bother to hide the fact that he was the subject. No, Harry’s main concern was Niall. Would Niall be upset when he found out their exes were working together? Harry shook his head. Why would he be? It’s not like Zayn hadn’t been putting out music already and Niall never really had a strong like or dislike of Taylor so that shouldn’t factor into his feelings. So Harry decided that Niall didn’t need a warning.

The song came out and Harry heard it on the radio. “Good tune,” he thought and turned it off halfway through. With it being Taylor and Zayn singing, he’s sure he’d hear it all the way through hundreds of times, so he didn’t need to waste two minutes of his run on it.

The next week Louis planned a party for his birthday. He was used to going to clubs around the world but he decided this year, the first with his son, he wanted a quiet house party with the people he loved most in the world. Harry was only slightly surprised to get an invitation. When he showed up at Louis’ house with a very expensive bottle of Tequila, he wasn’t surprised to find Niall answering the door to greet guests. Niall was still directing the people in front of him where to put their coats and presents when Harry got to the door. Niall turned, saw Harry’s face and let out a big sigh. He then threw himself into Harry’s arms, squeezing his arms around Harry’s neck in a tight embrace. He nuzzled his forehead against Harry’s temple for a minute and pulled back.

“Good to see you Haz,” Niall said softly.

Harry couldn’t help the grin on his face. Even though they’d broken up, Niall was still his favorite person. Well, at least his favorite man. His mother and sister may be winning the overall favorite person category still but it fluctuates. Spending much more time with Niall could push him back to the top. “Missed you Ni,” Harry answered. He followed the greeting with a kiss to Niall’s cheek. “How you been?”

Niall shook his head slowly. “Good, been good. You know that. We’ve been texting still. It’s not like you’ve just dropped off the face of the earth.”

Harry agreed with a nod but contradicted him with the statement, “it’s not the same as seeing you. I can’t always tell when you’re faking it over text message.”

Niall laughed and cheekily responded, “I never faked with you Harry.” He then reached down to Harry on the next step, wrapped his arm around his waist and pulled him inside. He glanced at Harry’s other hand and said, “looks like a good bottle of liquor you’ve got there. Who you tryna get wasted?”

“Well, I’m always interested in getting you tipsy,” Harry said with a smirk and an eye brow raise. “Any reason you don’t want to get tipsy tonight?” he asked. They both knew Harry was really asking if Niall was seeing someone else. That was one thing they didn’t text about. It was just better for them both if they didn’t know. When they’d broken up, it had been to do their own thing without the pressure of having to check in or be in a certain place all the time. The hiatus was not just from One Direction but from each other. Of course hiatus in this case meant break up, but Harry couldn’t help but hope it really meant reconciliation at the end. He’d be happy for Niall if he met someone else who could take care of him properly, but he’d definitely be heart broken himself.

“Nope,” Niall answered quickly. “I’m down for a bit of alcohol tonight.” He looked up at Harry with wide open eyes, making it clear what he wanted. Harry pulled him closer and kissed the side of his head again. He had a lot of kisses to make up for. They’d been apart for most of the year, just meeting up occasionally when they happened to be in the same country.

“Styles! You made it!” Louis yelled across the living room they were crossing still wrapped together. “Is that bottle for me?” he asked nodding his chin towards the tequila in Harry’s hand.

“’Course,” Harry answered, separating from Niall and going to hug the birthday boy and give him the liquor. “Happy Birthday Lou.”

“Thanks, Harry. Niall, alright?” Louis asks after his hug with Harry.

Niall is startled by the question. He’s frowning when he says, “Yeah? Why wouldn’t I be?” Louis looks a little embarrassed, shrugs and glances at Harry quickly as if to ask Niall if he’s OK with Harry there. Niall realizes and shakes his head. “I’m fine, Lou. I was just about to get Harry a drink. Do you want anything birthday boy?”

Louis looks relieved and declines the drink, going to greet his other guests.

“Wow. He’s still mad at me for us breaking up, huh? Does he not realize there were two of us in that decision?” Harry asks Niall, while watching Louis walk away. He looks back to see Niall’s eyes on him, considering his answer.

“We don’t really talk about it to be honest. I guess I probably let him assume too much. Sorry.” Niall does look sorry but he also doesn’t look like he’s going to have a heart to heart with Louis anytime soon to straighten out the situation. Harry didn’t mind that Niall got Lou in the breakup. It’d been hard for them to get too close since the Larry drama anyway. “Sooo, drinks?” Niall asks raising both his eyebrows in question.

“Please,” Harry nods. Niall leads Harry to the bar Louis had setup in the house. Pretty much any kind of drink you could get in a normal bar, was found here as well. Without asking, Niall went behind the bar and prepared a drink for Harry and grabbed a beer for himself. Once they both had sips of their drinks, Niall again led the way, this time to a quiet couch in the corner where no one else was sitting.

Harry let out a breath and just looked at his ex-boyfriend for a minute while he studied him back in return. Harry finally broke the silence, “you look good Niall. Happy, relaxed.”

Niall offered him a small smile and agreed. “I am happy. This whole solo thing has been working out better than I expected honestly. I was scared I couldn’t do it.”

“I always knew you could,” Harry said seriously. He did know. He knew better than anyone what Niall was capable of. Harry continued to study Niall while he waited for a response. He felt a bit tired himself, but Niall really did look amazing. He looked like he’d been resting recently but was still having the time of his life.

“I wouldn’t have even tried if you didn’t believe in me. Thanks for that,” Niall said scooting his body a little closer to Harry’s so he could speak quietly.

Harry looked in Niall’s eyes, now only about a foot away from his own, and wished he could say what was really on his mind. He missed him. “You could have,” Harry clarified. To keep himself from saying what was really on his mind, Harry ducked his head down and asked, “how was Christmas with the family? Was it really OK that I still sent gifts? Are they mad at me?”

Niall’s laughter brought Harry’s eyes back up quickly. “Of course it’s OK Harry. My family isn’t mad at you. I told them what happened. They still love you like a Horan, don’t worry. Theo loved the remote control car you sent over. Greg didn’t but I care more about what Theo thinks so thank you for that.” Niall’s hand came to rest on Harry’s knee and Harry couldn’t tear his eyes away from those fingers. Those talented, long, thick fingers. When Harry felt himself biting his lip, he jerked his head up to see amusement on Niall’s face. “Whatcha thinkin about Haz?”

Harry went back to their conversation, ignoring Niall’s question. “I’m glad Theo liked the car. I was a little worried Denise would be mad about it but I figured she could always stash it away if it wasn’t OK and he’d forget about it soon enough.”

Niall was even closer now, Harry realized. There were only a couple inches between their thighs on the couch. Harry swallowed as it dawned on him that Niall really meant his flirting. He really did want to spend some time with Harry tonight. Hopefully all tangled up in Harry. “Enough about my family Harry,” Niall said quietly. As Niall was leaning in and Harry was contemplating how bad it would be for them to kiss in the middle of Louis’ party, a new song came on the sound system. At the “oh, oh, oh, oh, oh…” Harry pulled back and looked into Niall’s eyes as Zayn started singing.


	3. Narry Understanding

Niall wanted to ignore the song. He wanted to pretend Zayn and Taylor weren’t singing in the background of Louis’ party as he was about to kiss Harry. But he couldn’t. As soon as Zayn’s voice came on the sound system, Niall froze. Harry had leaned away from Niall, just staring back into his eyes, probably assessing the situation, trying to decide if he was still going to get laid or not. Niall bit his lip and leaned back as Taylor started her verse. “So, Zayn and Taylor, huh?” Niall broke the silence.

Harry nodded twice quickly, “seems so.” He suddenly looked far away. His eyes were drifting and his body too. Niall looked down and realized they now had double the space between them than they’d had previously. He wasn’t sure if it was Harry or himself that had created the space. He bit his lip and looked around the room. He noticed a couple people looking in their direction. He didn’t know if it was because of the song playing or because he was sitting with Harry but either way it made him uncomfortable. Most of the people he could see knew that he’d been with Zayn and the world knew Harry had been with Taylor so he could feel the false headlines they were creating in their heads. _Niall Horan and Harry Styles seek reconciliation after exes humiliate them_. Niall shook his head at himself. We aren’t seeking reconciliation. We were just going to make out a bit and maybe have sex if we could find a right time and place. Were. Niall realized it wasn’t going to happen now. All because of Zayn. Because of course it would be Zayn’s fault he couldn’t get laid when he most wanted to with the person he most wanted.

“Ironic that they’re doing a song for Fifty Shades of Grey, isn’t it?” Niall asks, trying to break the Zayn and Taylor filled noise.  


“How so?” Harry asks, looking mildly interested, but mostly distant.  


Niall swallows and realizes it’s not so much ironic as annoying and pathetic. “Just, you know, our exes singing for a movie all about dirty sex and power.” Niall shrugged as though it was obvious and he wasn’t just spitting out the first words that came into his head.

Harry focused back on Niall. His eyes were boring into Niall’s and he seemed to be searching for an answer to a question he hasn’t asked. Eventually, he licked his lip and questioned, “does it upset you?”

Niall couldn’t tear his eyes from Harry’s and he felt his face getting hot. _Yes_ , it upset him. Of _course_  it upset it. How did it _not_  upset Harry? Niall looked down at Harry’s lip as the song finishes, Zayn’s falsetto echoing in Niall’s brain.

“Do you want Zayn back?” Harry asked quietly. It was obvious he was speaking to avoid any of their spectators from hearing his question. His eyes darted around the room to make sure no one was close enough to hear Niall’s answer but moved slightly closer just in case Niall’s answer was too soft.  


Niall’s mouth fell open at the question. Harry thought he was upset because he wanted _Zayn_  back? Niall couldn’t get his mouth to work. His brain was spinning through thought after thought, unable to give a response. Harry must have decided that was an answer in itself. He reached out and wrapped his arm around Niall’s back, pulling him to tuck into his side. “It’s OK, Ni,” Harry said calmly. “If you want Zayn back, I mean. You can,” he paused, “you can want whoever you want. It’s not like you didn’t have some great time with him. I know you really loved him.”  


“Stop,” Niall sternly cut in. His breathing was picking up listening to Harry try to be a good friend. “You’re wrong. I don’t - I don’t want Zayn back Harry. Not at all.”  


When Niall looked up to his green eyes, he realized Harry didn’t believe him. He looked like he was feeling pity for Niall now. That he was sorry he was in love with a man who would never love him back. A man who had abandoned him in the middle of their relationship, the middle of their job. A man who he’d only spoken to three times since. Niall stood up quickly, looked around the room to realize even more eyes were on them now, turned back to Harry, grabbed his hand and pulled him up. Harry’s hand tightened in his as he pulled him to the backyard. It was winter so no one was outside and they could have some real privacy. Of course Niall didn’t pause to put a coat on so as soon as he walked out the door, he was hit with the almost-freezing air. He glanced back to see Harry at least had a sweater on so he’d be OK for a few minutes.

They stopped around the corner in the yard, out of the site of the other guests. Niall turned back to Harry to clarify so they could be on the same page. “I am _not_  in love with Zayn Malik. Yes, I _loved_ him. Yes, I was devastated when he left us but I have never been in love with anyone as much as I am in love with you.” Niall’s face was stern he knew. He wanted to make sure there was no doubt in Harry’s mind that he was being entirely sincere. 

Harry looked relived as he said, “thank god.” Confused, he asked, “wait, love? You still love me?” 

Niall scoffed. “Of course you idiot. You think I could fall out of love with you in a year? It’ll take lifetimes.” Literally. As much as Niall had ever loved Zayn, it didn’t compare to how he felt with Harry. Harry thought about his feelings and took care of him in a way that didn’t make him feel like a child but a well-loved man.

“So, why were you so upset then?” Harry asked, still unsure.  


Niall started chewing on his finger as he tried to come up with an answer. “Honestly,” he said, pulling his finger out of his mouth, “I’m not sure. Like, I knew he was doing music, right? But this was just unexpected. I didn’t know this was coming and it just shocked me when it came on. And of course I had to _like_ the stupid song!” Niall exclaimed laughing. He chuckled for a minute to himself then looked back into Harry’s eyes. “I guess a part of me still doesn’t understand why he wanted to hurt me so badly. Why did he tell _you_ he was leaving the band and not me?”  


“Maybe he thought you would try to talk him out of it,” Harry answered softly. They’d had this conversation many times in the past two years but Harry would always try to offer up reasons to make Niall feel less pained about the experience. “Maybe it hurt too much to say goodbye to you. I know it hurts me whenever I have to say goodbye to you and it’s not the forever kind for me.” Niall took a couple small steps closer to Harry so he could lean his head on Harry’s collarbone. “Maybe it’s because he didn’t want you to yell at him. No one ever wants to get Niall Horan mad at them. It’s like having a cute little angry puppy mad at you. Peeing on your bed with it’s pitiful face.”  


“Maybe because he’s a dickhead,” Niall whispered.  


“Well, I _know_  that’s true,” Harry said hugging Niall tightly to his body. “What man could say goodbye to you and _not_  be a dickhead?”   


“You,” Niall answered, still whispering. “You said goodbye to me last year.”  


The answer took Harry’s breath away and brought tears to his eyes. “Never, Ni. I will never say goodbye to you like he did.”

Niall pulled away so he could look at Harry’s face when he responded, “you said goodbye to me when we went on hiatus Haz.”

Harry is adamantly shaking his head. “No, no I did no such thing. We were taking a break because we knew I was doing the movie and because I was going to be mostly based out of LA while you were going to be doing your golf thing here in England. And you were going to be with your friends. And I was going to make an album. And then you went on vacation.” At this point, the tears were starting to fall down Harry’s face and Niall pushed himself back into Harry’s arms, wrapping his arms around Harry’s neck and shushing him. “And then you started doing your solo thing. I didn’t know you’d buy a house in LA. I didn’t realize I’d be able to come home to London when I was filming.”

“Stop, Harry, stop,” Niall said, squeezing him and kissing the side of his face. “Stop, please. I’m not mad at you Haz. I’m not. I’m not comparing you to Zayn. Please, please, sssh.” Harry stopped talking and dropped his forehead on Niall’s shoulder.  


“I’m sorry,” Harry mumbled into Niall’s thin dress shirt. He just remembered they were outside and it was cold and his button up wasn’t doing much to keep the winter outside his body. He tightened his grip on Harry both to calm him and warm himself.  


“Don’t be sorry. Like you said, it was a mutual decision,” Niall consoled as he rubbed Harry’s back.

“Like I said?” Harry echoed, raising his head.   


“Yeah,” Niall nodded and stilled his hand.  


Harry’s eyes are once again focused on Niall’s and he asks, cautious, “did you not want to break up?”

Niall took a deep breath and shook his head and told the truth. “No, I didn’t.”

Harry closed his eyes and felt the tears fall quicker. He messed up. “Why didn’t you say that?”

“You don’t tell someone wanting to take a break that you don’t want to. That’s… that’s selfish. Or pathetic. I wasn’t going to stand in your way Harry. If you wanted to try out being solo in every way, that was your choice. I wasn’t going to make you stay.” _As much as I wanted to lock you up and keep you with me always_ , Niall thought.  


Harry took Niall’s hand and let him to a patio chair. Harry sat down and pulled Niall into his lap. Niall turned sideways so he could still see Harry’s face, so he could get his real reaction. So far Harry’s face was blank. The tears were there but he hadn’t reacted to Niall’s last confession. Finally, he looked up to Niall and said the words Niall always wants to hear, “I love you.” Niall couldn’t help his smile, leaned in and kissed Harry softly, tentatively on the lips.

“I love you too Harry. Always.” They were breathing the same air as their foreheads kissed, just resting together.  


“I fucked up,” Harry said weakly. He pulled back and added, “I’m sorry. Will you ever forgive me?”  


Niall shook his head and said, “there’s nothing to forgive. I gave you the space you asked for Harry. There’s nothing wrong with that. We weren’t even together for a year babe.”  


“No,” Harry responded with his own head shake. “I’m an idiot. I wanted to give you space because I was scared that I was just a rebound for Zayn. I didn’t want you to be with me because you couldn’t be with Zayn. I figured if I gave you time apart, that you’d either realize it was Zayn you wanted and get him back or find someone else. I didn’t - I didn’t really think I was the one you wanted.”  


Harry looked so vulnerable and it broke Niall’s heart to think Harry ever saw himself as second best. “You,” Niall clarified. “It’s always been you Haz. Even when it was Zayn, it was you. I don’t know how or why I was with Zayn first but I have _never_  been happier in a relationship than I have been with you. Can we end this stupid relationship hiatus now? I just want to be _HarryandNiall_ again.”

“Please, please, please, yes,” Harry said taking Niall’s mouth to his own and devouring it like he hadn’t been able to do in over a year.   


Breaking apart, Niall asks, “if you ever feel like you’re second to anyone or anything again, you _tell me_  Harry Styles. Do you hear me?” He wants to make sure they’re very clear going forward. He doesn’t want any more hiatuses in their future. Next stop, marriage town for them. You know, after a bit of dating of course.


End file.
